The Epiphany That Started It All
I don’t know if any of this is important, but I’ll tell it all to you, and you can decide. At the time this happened, I was attending a Methodist church with a wonderful pastor, and teaching Sunday school to fifth and sixth graders. On this particular afternoon, I was thinking about the next Sunday school lesson and I was using a little machine my mom gave me, called IQ Junior. It was a “personal brain wave synchronizer.” I guess they still exist, because I found a link for them. http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=120237256880&topic=9274
I was in the midst of one of the IQ Junior programs when it happened. It’s a struggle to describe this, because there simply aren’t adequate words in our language to convey it. The words feel flat, and black and white, by comparison to what I experienced. But, I’ll try to do it justice.
I suddenly felt God’s love for me. It was, and is, on a magnitude that dwarfs anything on this level. All I can tell you is that, in that moment, I knew that God is crazy about us, daffy about us, more doting than the most besotted human parent. And I understood that there was nothing any of us could do to alter that. None of it, nothing, no matter how heinous, matters in the least in terms of affecting God’s overwhelming love for you and me. That was when I actually understood what the “unconditional” in “unconditional love” meant. It doesn’t matter if we think we deserve it or not, it’s ours, it’s there for the taking if we choose to accept it. Nothing can ever change that. If you can imagine a brick wall of love coming up and knocking you flat, it’s something like that.
It was like the blinders fell off my eyes. I started to cry at the amazing magnitude and magnificence of this, and I sobbed helplessly for a good 45 minutes. I almost made myself sick with it.
But there was something else: This God, I suddenly knew, would deny me nothing. Nothing! All I had to do was ask.
And at that moment, there was only one thing I wanted: To share with the world what I had just learned about His love. So, my end of the conversation went something like this: “Please God, help me tell them. I’ve got to tell them! Help me tell them!” over and over and over again, while I was still crying my eyes out and blowing my nose like crazy. That probably went on for ten or twenty of those minutes. That plea was the cry of the deepest part of me, my very soul. There was literally nothing else I wanted at that time.
It was some time later, days or weeks, by now it’s hazy in my mind, that I got the sense that I should go sit down at my computer (a 286), and wait, and listen.
I won’t kid you. That really scared me, because what if I did it and nothing happened? But I did do it, despite my fears, and the result is what you will see below.
I’d like to add that after the first message, I really didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I waited and waited for another call to the keyboard, and nothing came. It was really disappointing. I wasn’t at all sure what to do about it. I mean, this is God we’re talking to, so I thought He was going to lead the effort and tell me what to do and when to do it. I had no idea what the etiquette was for working with God!
Eventually, since nothing happened, I decided to try being more proactive. I went to the keyboard on my own, and sat, and waited, and listened. And let me tell you, it was scary. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing, but I so wanted more messages to come. I had to try it. And fortunately, it worked.
That’s one reason I left the dates on these messages, because they, too, are part of the story.
I really recommend you read these slowly, one at a time, and let them sink in before going on to the next one, as they did with me during the time that I received them. It would be quick and easy to glance over them and be done, but I think you will miss some of the impact they hold.
Without further ado, I offer you…
“Godspeak”
December 6, 1990
My child Gay is taking a step in faith today. I have given her the tools to use, and she is using them. I am giving her the words and she is typing them for me. You call me God, The Heavenly Father. I want to tell you about me. My child, Gay, wants to help.
Gay doesn't know what she is about to write. She doesn't relish looking like a fool, yet she has promised to serve me, so write this, she does. I don't always demand joyful service; willing service will do.
Lesson One: You don't have to be "special" to serve me. You don't have to be another Jesus Christ... You are beautiful in my eyes just as you are. Yes, I see it all, your flaws and weaknesses are all known to me. Yet I love and cherish each of you, individually, as though you were the only One.
You don't have to have special, earth-shaking talents to serve your Lord. Do not make excuses for yourself; they are unnecessary. I love you as you are and expect no more than you can give me. Remember, I, who made you, know who you are, and what your true capabilities are. I am not unreasonable. Start small. Smile at a child. Wink, if you can. If the child smiles back, you have given a gift. To the child? To me? I will let you answer that for yourself.
Let me leave you with a piquant question, though: Is there a
difference?
February 28, 1991
Behold the beauty of the earth. I have made it so. Behold the sparkle of the snow, the majesty of the desert, the grace of a soaring bird. I have made these, and all of the others. As a painting is an expression of the artist, so are my works an expression of me.
Do you want to know me? Look at the earth, the sea, the sky. Do you want to see me? Look at the face of a child. Do you want to love me? Love the people around you.
Do you want to serve me? Care for the works of my heart: the earth, its creatures and plant life, your neighbors...and yourself.
End of Lesson Two.
March 3, 1991
I want only the best for you. Why do you accept less for yourself? I have filled the world with beautiful things. Why do your thoughts dwell on ugliness? Each step you take in life is a step nearer to me. Why then do you separate them into "failure" and "success"? You are so very beautiful to me. Why do you look at yourselves and see ugliness?
My love for you is so great that it transcends the wrongs you do to yourselves, to others, and to me. My love for you is so great that I want for you only what will make you happiest, fullest, freest. Can you say the same for yourself?
There was once a man called Peter. He lived alone in a room with a mirror. The mirror was his best friend. When the mirror looked good to him, he had a good day. When the mirror looked bad, you can guess the rest. It took him the longest time to realize that the only difference between "good" and "bad" each morning was in HOW HE GREETED THAT DAY. It wasn't the contents of the day so much as the attitude he held toward each event, that made the entire difference.
Look at your lives, and try to separate out the events from the attitudes. You will then come closer to the truth. What would you rather have looking back at you, a smile or a frown?
March 5, 1991
I like praise. When you see something that speaks to you in a meaningful way, and you think of me, tell me about it. When you feel the loving warmth of sun touch your face, know that I am there, and
thank me for it. When you feel the accomplishments of your body, young or old, healthy or not, admire them, and remember me.
Do you expect me to be perfect? How much perfection can you stand? Have you noticed how mankind hates the ones who approach perfection? (Can mankind, from its vantage point, even comprehend the concept of perfection?)
Yet I am the Lord your God...and he who would approach me, would approach...Perfection.
It stands to reason, then, that he who would be nearer to me must care more for me than for the approval of his fellow man. For there will come a time when his journey will become evident. It will be noticed, though not at first, that he is not like other men. And it will be resented. Be prepared for this, my friends, and hold no ill will toward them who cannot understand.
(My daughter Gay is fighting me on matters of grammar and usage. She is learning the discipline of obedience even to sometimes making what seems to her to be a deliberate mistake. She feels uncomfortable about it, so I am dictating this to let her off the hook when some day this
is read more widely).
[You may stop now.]
Note: I was supposed to pick up my daughter after school that day, and time was growing short, but I didn’t want to walk out on God, midsentence! “You may go now” was a relief. I rushed out to our appointed meeting place, across from the school. Less than a minute after I pulled into my parking space, she was crossing the street to meet me. God’s timing was spot on.
March 8, 1991
Feel my love enfold you. Like a soft, cuddly blanket that warms you and cushions the knocks of everyday life. It lifts you up above the hectic turmoil of the world around you. It lifts you over the rough spots, the pebbles in your path that might otherwise cause you to stumble.
[Yes, Gay, with practice the connection is improving. You are receiving me much more quickly.]
I do not steal your mind, or your thoughts, or your energy. I give you comfort, and ease, and energy. I do not take away your sense of self; I give you what you need to blossom into a fuller expression of yourself.
I would deny you nothing. I want your happiness and fulfillment. I want you to be you, to be the freest and fullest expression of "you" that you can be, for I love each of you dearly, just as you are. Do you need to find a direction in life? I can help you, for who knows you better than I? No one, not even you, wants your
success more than I do.
Like any loving parent I would cushion all of the blows, do it all for you if I could. But as any parent knows, you cannot walk for your baby, you cannot talk for your baby, you cannot take his place in school. These things he must learn and do for himself. He must try, and work, and try again until he succeeds at these things for himself. And he is a better, stronger person for having made the effort.
Such is what I want for you, to be better, stronger persons for having made the efforts yourselves.
March 10, 1991
When the wind whispers in your ear, what do you hear? Do you hear the voice of a crying child? Do you hear a wail of loneliness? A lover's soft words?
When next you hear the whispering of the wind, think of Me, and listen. You may hear my voice. Listen to what I have to say; it will be for your ears only. Practice listening for my voice in your daily life. Sometimes it comes as a hint, or a hunch, or a doubt.
Try a simple rakeesh. A step in faith. Test me. Start small, you will feel more comfortable that way. No one can give you better advice than I. No job is too small for me, no detail too insignificant.
A pertinent question is, how can you tell if what you are hearing is, shall we say, from a reliable source? Gay has, understandably, been wondering about this.
Do you know love when you feel it? And who am I but the greatest source of love you'll ever know? I think that answers your question, don't you?
March 11, 1991
Many people wonder, why do I have such patience with you? Why don't I just give up in anger and abandon you, or worse?
Think of a parent with an infant child. How patient is that person with tears and feedings, sleepless nights and diapers. Parents know that this will not last forever, that this is a normal stage of development. And so they tolerate it as best they can, and they wait.
The same is true for me. Someday mankind will be out of diapers, spiritually speaking. I can wait.
I might point out one more time, parents of the unhousebroken young love them to distraction despite their obvious shortcomings. And so do I love you.
March 12, 1991
When you come to me, bring everything you have. Bring your worries, doubts, fears, the cares of everyday life. Bring your hopes and dreams and ambitions. Bring your hurt and pain and sorrow. Hold nothing back from me. I want it all. Even your anger, hatred, fear, for they get to be a heavy load, don't they? Bring them to me. Bring them to me.
Think of me as the Cosmic Recycler. I can help you with your garbage problem.
How, you ask. I am that of which the Universe is made. Everything in you and around you...is Me. Obviously, then, I can take different forms. And I can change one form into another. What is garbage to you, is to me, material that can be changed into something better. I can take your worst "ugly" and change it into something beautiful, if you will let me. I very much want to do so.
The only catch to the matter is this: You have to be willing to let go. Some people are surprisingly enamored of their junk! When you can come to me and give me, without reservations, your most precious and revered pieces of garbage, that is the time when you will see astonishing changes happen in your life. Let it be so.
March 14, 1991
Miracles surround you every day. Why then do you doubt me? The tight, barren-looking seed that turns into a lush flower, the act of love that creates a new human being...science can dissect them, but cannot fully lay these things open to their view.
It is not given to you to understand, while you are on the stage, all of the workings of the world in which you live. You do not need to know; you are not ready to know everything. Some of you have begun to discover...some of this, but I assure you there is much more there that no one has yet touched. To know some of this would change the nature of the play, and you are not ready for that, yet.
Some of you, like my daughter Gay, are very concerned with pondering the mysteries of the Universe. To you I say, ponder if you like, but do not let it consume the days of your life. You can make some progress here, but it will be limited. I would not have you pound your head in frustration over what you cannot do, when your life is there waiting to be lived. Rather you should go out and live it.
You will learn more that way.
March 15, 1991
When the wind whispers, think of me. When a bird twitters, think of me. When the sky opens and the rain pours down, and the earth is shook with thunder, feel my presence, feel my strength. All of this is a part of me. Yes, it is wise to take shelter, but you do not need to hide from me. When a storm buffets your life, it is wiser to take shelter with me, rather than to blame me for your circumstances and run the other way.
Am I to blame for the problems in peoples' lives, and the general state of the world? Time and time again, I have given you help, advice, instructions. The ideas are really quite simple; perhaps that is their greatest weakness. They would no doubt be more greatly respected if they were clothed in mystery and complexities, for people tend to underestimate the value of simplicity.
People tend to underestimate the value of a partnership, for they long to feel they are masters of their own destinies. Perhaps that is your own greatest weakness, your desire for independence, for it can leadyou astray.
Yes, I want you to make your own decisions. That is why you have a mind of your own. But just as the intelligent man consults a specialist and considers her opinion before making an important decision, so is it intelligent to consult me. You have the option to heed or not. The results of your choices make your life your own creation.
Don't blame me.
March 15, 1991
Colors. Aren't they beautiful? Soft-washed pales, vibrant whites, searing brights...Each is beautiful in its own unique way. Each has its place in the landscape of life. Even the darkest of darks is necessary for the others to be their most beautiful. It's not just the need for contrast. Plants need darkness in order to do their best work in the sun. Certain flowers need long months of darkness in order to be able, at the right time, to bloom.
Human beings need darkness, too. A life full of colors and light needs darkness, and not just for contrast. It is silly to think that I would send you pain or tragedy simply in order to help you appreciate the good things that come your way. How frivolous that would be. So where does the darkness come in? Without the darkness, where would come the times of introspection, of soul-searching, and self-examination? A life consisting solely of bright colors and gaiety would nave no need for, nor time for, studying the map, checking your navigation. Surely we all need to do this from time to time, to see that our course is true, that it will indeed take us where we want to go. And do we still want to go there?
Perhaps you have found somewhere better. A life cannot be all in bright colors, for that would be exhausting. The pale, cool, quiet times are necessary, too. And leave some white time to color in as you like. The picture needn't all be drawn in, to be successful. On the other hand, some design is necessary in order to give the overall picture some meaning.
Like art, your life needs balance, and foresight, and planning. Like art, your life attains much of its meaning when shared with others. Like art, your life is your own creation.
Make it beautiful.
March 16, 1991
Feel my power flowing through you. Feel the strength, the energy, the sense of well-being. Feel the sense of being well-loved, of being someone's precious child. You don't? You can't? It's out of reach? Let me help you.
Find a quiet place to sit, uninterrupted. (I know it's not an easy task for many.) Sit, and close your eyes, and feel the peace surround you, and enjoy it. Let that peace spread into an ocean, into the world around you. And, moored in that peaceful ocean, turn your thoughts toward me.
Think about me, about what you know about me, about what you have already learned here. Send your thoughts reaching out, into that ocean, seeking me, calling me, loving me. You will learn to feel my presence. It may not be the first time, or the second, or the third, but it will come. Be patient, be persistent, and it will come.
You will notice that I do not say, "I will come." You are not reaching out into the universe to catch me or call me from afar. You are reaching out to find the me that has always been there with you. I have been with you for so long that you have lost the capacity to easily sense my presence. With a little application, that missing sense will awaken, and you will know that I am there. You will know beyond a doubt.
I always was.
You just forgot.
March 17, 1991
Why do you look so sad when you come to me? Is the burden of life so heavy? Do your steps drag, do your limbs feel leaden? What is that you are carrying with you that weighs you down so? Anxiety? You cannot alter the outcome by worrying. Regrets? They cannot change a thing, though often you can make some repairs. Fear? It will only hinder your performance. Grief? Carry it with a light grip, so that when it is ready, it can leave. Memories? Drop the old, heavy, sad ones you no longer need, and keep the happy ones of any age; they make the other baggage lighter to carry.
You were not meant to be a beast of burden. Release the things you no longer need. Do not cling to them like a book of souvenirs, for when you drop the old, you make room for the new. When you release the bad, you make room for the good. With your new knowledge you can make wiser choices now and in the future, allowing better things into your life.
Your load will be easier to carry, and it will smell much better. Isn't that what we both want?
March 18, 1991
Let us talk of fear and anxiety. They are close relatives. Most likely you know them well. They are among the most common sins, if you like to think in those terms. Mistakes would be more accurate. Which of the two is worse? Why are they harmful?
Fear and anxiety are based on the idea that life is threatening. Evil waits to pounce on unsuspecting persons who don't have the foresight to worry. Fear does have its purpose. Fear of falling keeps you away from the edge of that overhang. Fear of an accident keeps your speed under control. This is what fear was designed to do. When that fear spills over so you don't tell someone you care, or you don't make the effort to try something new, then it has gone beyond the bounds of its usefulness.
Anxiety, however, is a more generalized state. Both fear and anxiety are harmful, but anxiety is worse, for it is much harder to deal with an enemy you cannot pin down. Both fear and anxiety are based on one thing: a mistrust of the world, which means a mistrust of me. When you truly understand who and what I am, these things will start to diminish, for you will know that one who loves you as I do, has only your best interests at heart. It may not always seem that way; sometimes you need to hang on and to trust.
Ultimately, you will see that I am trustworthy.
March 18, 1991
Do not rush me. My work sometimes moves slowly, and you feel impatient. "I want it now," you cry. Get me what I want, take away my wart, let me win that prize. When nothing happens, you think I didn't hear. But I did. You think I didn't care, but I did. You think such things are too small for me. Perhaps they are.
In any beauty pageant, any race, any contest, any war, I hear pleas from every side. Not everyone can win. Not everyone should win. But I still care. Winning isn't everything. It's not the only thing. It's only something. It may not be the best thing, particularly if it encourages someone to turn their face away from the truly important things in life, the things that truly lead to happiness.
While some issue may seem of ultimate importance to you, it may be that I can see further. The wart in your life that you want gone instantly, may serve a deeper purpose. The experience of handling it yourself may benefit you in a way you cannot presently guess at. My point is this: do not wait for me to do everything for you. Work to solve your problems yourself. Get help, if you need it. I did not mean for you to be passive, or weak. You are too good for that. Make up your mind to do what needs to be done. Take the time to make a good decision. And then do it! I'll be there helping. I'll be cheering you on.
As for the rest, great things take time. The end result will be worth it. I promise.
March 22, 1991
I love you. The love I feel for you goes beyond grasping and clinging, beyond dictating and molding. It goes beyond "ifs" and "whens".
When I look at you, I see the beauty of your soul, despite the mud you may have spattered on yourself. The mud will eventually wash away. Your shining self will remain.
When you look at your friends and loved ones, do you concentrate on the mud, or the beauty?
You know what I would have you do.
March 25, 1991
Be still in your heart, oh my love. Why do you pull and tug, flutter against the bars like a trapped bird? You do more injury to yourself that way. Instead of working within the constraints of your life, you fight them, and in doing so you hurt yourself.
The things that you have, that you esteem so lightly, are that which someone else dreams of. The structure of your life does not have to be a prison, unless you choose to see it so. Constructive changes can be made, but not by flailing and thrashing. So be still in your heart, and think, and learn, and listen.
The surface of a still pond will give you a much truer picture than that of a storm-tossed pond. So be still in your heart, as you think, and look, and listen. The path will open before you.
Be still, and look, and listen.
March 28, 1991
Be open to the world around you. When was the last time you really looked at your surroundings? My daughter Gay is guilty of this. Even when she is admiring one of her flowers, she never really stops to look at it. She recognizes its beauty and appreciates it in her own way, but she never really sees it.
Where in your life is this true for you? When was the last time you really looked at your friends, your lover or spouse, your parents, your children, yourself? It may have been years ago.
How have they changed? Have you locked them into a box that no longer fits who they are?
What have you locked yourself into? Where is the key?
It begins with truly looking and gentle evaluation. From there, you take one step at a time.
April 1, 1991
Living is very much like walking in a fog. You can't see very far ahead of yourself, or very far to each side, or even very much behind yourself. Yet you are expected to find your way on a complicated path without a major spill. Pretty tricky.
Is it any wonder so many of you get turned around? Yes, there are road maps, of sorts, but life is tricky nonetheless.
What can you do about it?
• READ the wonderful array of books available to you--not just the holy books but the books that can guide you on every subject.
• LISTEN to the experiences of others, and learn from them. Few things are as valuable as the advice of one who has gone before.
• EVALUATE your information carefully, for some of it will come from persons more confused than you are.
• DECIDE what you are willing to sacrifice, and more importantly, what you are not.
• LOOK at things from my perspective to test your conclusions.
When darkness descends, and you feel lost and frightened, remember that you are not alone. Reach out into the darkness and take my hand.
It is always there if you need it.
April 8-10, 1991
When you look at someone, what do you see? Do you see the shape of their body, the color of their skin and hair, the arrangement of their features, the style of their clothes? What is all that really, but the external trappings of an internal soul? How much does that truly reflect the person you see?
I wish, for a moment, you would try to look through my eyes at the people around you. Can you scrape away all of the mud, and paint, and rust? Can you look beneath the obscuring layers of artifice? Young or old, see who's really inside. Someone uncertain, a little shy, perhaps. Someone who needs to feel liked, who wants to be important, at least to someone... Even if surrounded by other people, someone who is utterly alone. Someone who needs to be loved.
It isn't hard to visualize such a person, and to care for him. Or her. But what about the other type of person? How do you love the unlovable? Loving isn't easy. Striving for compassion is the first step. The one who hurts others is hurting, himself. When he strikes out, he does so in pain. He doesn't fully realize what he is doing, or he would not be doing it. If you keep that in mind, it is possible to feel compassion for that person's foolishness. Such a person has a lot to learn.
[Carbanah mischenku molare. Feecaru mehana. Molonare
pelofichu mehana. Cone-bo pelagra melu. Ferramana
maylara cone-ay-bora. Carramanna focachu paylan.
Paylahora mayhoru confisha laynama pairjora paynam.
Kerrasofa paylanama mercora men, abba nearmahn parfeara
maylan.]
All men are one. Totally beloved. You are one with each other as you are one with me. All of creation is a part of me, indivisibly. Every iota is precious. When any part of my creation is damaged, the hurt is felt by me, as well. Therefore, when you hurt someone, or the world you live in, you are hurting your father who loves you, and ultimately, you are hurting yourself.
Once a person truly understands this idea, he truly understands the deeper significance of the "Golden Rule". It doesn't just mean, "Do unto others as you would have them do to you," because it is "nice."
It is inescapable: The one who hurts others IS hurting himself.
April 11, 1991
[Cone-boh maylita molare. Fayhanna paylofichu maynor.Paylamanna corrobenchu maylorray, paynobassa penchorray fichu. Corromayna payhorray maynorra. Penchorray
feekerru menchu. Fahraymu pahorray carroma mandassapaynoma mayju.]
What is the purpose of speaking in tongues? It forms a more direct communication between you and me. When you begin to speak in tongues, barriers are removed from your mind. You no longer can monitor my messages and guard against hearing things from me that you choose not to receive in your mother tongue. You may not understand in your conscious mind what comes to you in tongues. Not everyone does. But the inner, deeper mind does understand. And it listens.
I have found it necessary to begin speaking in tongues to Gay because she was erecting too many barriers to good reception to properly write the book she wants to write with me. She finds it disconcerting, but is rolling with this new direction very well. Do not be afraid of speaking in tongues. Do not look down upon it as beneath you.
Any step closer to me, is a step up.
April 15, 1991
Rakeesh. The taking of a step into the unknown, a step in courage, a step in faith. It is a crucial part of spiritual growth, for ultimately there comes the time to put your beliefs (theories) into action. You can believe anything you want, but how deep is that belief if you don't have the courage to put that belief into action, put it to the test?
Rakeesh can be frightening, disillusioning, exhilarating. It is most definitely strengthening. Eventually, you will come to say, "This I believe, I can do no other."
And you may be entirely wrong.
Before you come to this point, look carefully at what you are considering to be the Truth. Put it to these tests:
1) Am I judging other people?
2) Have I truly looked at this issue from all sides?
3) Am I looking at this from God's eyes or my own?
4) Where is the love here?
5) Where is the tolerance and respect for others'
abilities and viewpoints?
6) Where is God?
Then, in a spirit of love, and without self-righteousness, go forth and take that step in faith and courage.
The Rakeesh.
